Why You’re Struggling to Make Friends – And What to Do About It with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer
In this episode of The Ready Enough Podcast, host Lauren Beane sits down with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist and leading expert on the science of friendship and human connection, to discuss why making friends as an adult is so hard, how to overcome loneliness, and practical strategies for building meaningful relationships that last.
About our guest
Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is a clinical psychologist, leading friendship expert, and one of the most influential speakers on human connection and social support. With over a decade of research on the science of friendship, Dr. Miriam is revolutionizing the way we show up for, mentor, and connect with each other.
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hrough her relatable, science-backed keynotes, digital courses, writing, and online community, Dr. Miriam inspires people around the world to get Confidently Connected™️ and empowers them to build resilient relationships, supportive workplaces, and deeply fulfilling lives.
In addition to helping teams and organizations bridge the connection divide and create powerful cultures of belonging, she sits on the Mental Health Advisory Board of Wondermind and consults with The Foundation For Social Connection. Dr. Miriam regularly contributes research-driven insights and relatable advice to top outlets including The Atlantic, BBC, Forbes, The New York Times, Time, and more. Get connected at MiriamKirmayer.com.
Let’s be real—making friends as an adult can feel awkward, exhausting, and downright impossible. When we were kids, it was as easy as sharing a snack at recess. But now? Between work, family, and an ever-growing to-do list, friendship often takes a backseat.
If you’ve ever thought, Why is it so hard to make friends? or Am I the only one who feels lonely?, this episode of The Ready Enough Podcast is for you. I sat down with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist and leading expert on friendship, social connection, and belonging, to unpack why we struggle to make and maintain friendships as adults—and how we can change that.
The Friendship Recession: Why We Feel So Disconnected
Friendship struggles aren’t just in your head. Studies show that more adults than ever are feeling socially disconnected, with declining numbers of close friendships and meaningful relationships. Dr. Kirmayer shared some eye-opening insights:
A World Economic Forum report highlighted that between 1990 and 2021, the percentage of Americans with 10 or more close friends declined from 33% to just 13%—a significant drop in deep social connections.
Many adults struggle to prioritize friendships because they see them as separate from career, family, and daily responsibilities—when in reality, integrating friendships into our existing routines makes them more sustainable.
We often underestimate how much others like us (a psychological concept called the liking gap), which makes us hesitant to reach out or initiate deeper connections.
Why Making Friends Feels Harder as an Adult
So why is it so tough to make new friends once we’re out of school? Dr. Kirmayer broke it down:
We have fewer opportunities to meet new people. We spend more time working from home, running errands online, and missing out on casual social interactions.
We’re afraid of rejection. Many of us believe friendships should be effortless, so when they require effort, we assume something is wrong.
Time is tight. Between work, parenting, and life’s responsibilities, friendship feels like one more thing on an overflowing plate.
We lack vulnerability. Friendships deepen when we open up, but many of us fear being “too much” or coming across as needy.
How to Actually Make and Keep Friends as an Adult
Dr. Kirmayer didn’t just talk about the problem—she gave practical, science-backed tips for making and maintaining friendships that actually last.
1. Shift Your Mindset: Friendship Isn’t Optional
Instead of seeing friendship as another to-do list item, integrate it into your daily life. Invite a coworker for a coffee chat, stack social time with errands (hello, walking dates), or bring friends into activities you already do.
2. Start Small (But Be Consistent)
Deep friendships aren’t built overnight. Small, consistent interactions (even just a quick check-in text) create a strong foundation.
3. Be the Initiator
Most people are waiting for someone else to make the first move. Be that person. Send the text. Make the invite. Chances are, the other person is craving connection too.
4. Let Go of the “Perfect Friend” Myth
You don’t need one person who meets all your needs. Build a diverse friendship circle—work friends, gym buddies, mom friends, business besties—and let go of unrealistic expectations.
5. Get Comfortable with Vulnerability
The friendships you crave? They happen when you drop the filter and get real. Share what’s on your heart, and you’ll invite others to do the same.
Friendship Isn’t Effortless—But It’s Worth It
The biggest takeaway? Building strong friendships takes effort, but it’s one of the most rewarding investments you’ll ever make.
So, here’s your challenge: Reach out to one friend today. Send a voice memo, schedule a coffee date, or just say, Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. One small moment can be the start of something big.
And if this conversation hit home, be sure to listen to the full episode with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer on The Ready Enough Podcast. It’s packed with even more insights and action steps to help you feel more connected.
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